So, a friend of mine shared the new Ghostbusters trailer after
it was released today. It stars Melissa McCarthy, Kristen Wiig, Kate McKinnon,
Leslie Jones, and Chris Hemsworth (I’d let him hem my worth any day). I admit,
my initial reaction was “another reboot, nothing is original these days blah, blah blah”, despite having not seen the
original. However, the very same ignorance allowed me to judge the trailer without
immediately dismissing the film for having an all-female cast. I’m going to say
this: it doesn’t suck. However, as of writing this post, the trailer has 9722
likes and 10554 dislikes on YouTube, and here I present 7 comments to
illustrate why, and also why some people shouldn’t have access to the internet,
as they are clearly medieval degenerates.
Exhibit A:
Oh really, genius? Feminism does not sell? Well, then why do
movies like “Bridesmaids” (I hate the bloody film, but it illustrates my point)
gross $288.4 million while the good ol’ porno industry is being eroded (no pun
intended) by the internet streaming websites? People won’t pay a penny for a
porno, but they will pay to go see a film with a talented female cast. Clearly,
sex does not sell as well as you say! You, my friend, live in the wrong times
because the expression “Sex sells” was invented sometime in the 50s and has
been identified as complete bullshit since. Why don’t you head over to Redtube
instead –they have a version of the Ghostbusters you might prefer.
Exhibit B:
Look at the dislike bar, man! How is over half of people
hating this trailer making them more money? Please enlighten me, because I
don’t fucking see it. If Hollywood was thinking more about money than their
fans, they would pull a Star Wars episode VII and make a
carbon copy (these damn puns!) of the original. But yeah, shame on Hollywood for
actually trying something slightly different. We can then whine about how
there’s nothing original anymore together.
Exhibit C:
Sony ruined your childhood? Holy fuck, this film hasn’t even
come out yet! How is this film being made alter the original Ghostbusters in
any way? Fuck off to your VHS player and watch the 80s version. Also, if the
woman in the picture with you is your mother she would probably feel offended that
a single film can ruin the entire childhood she probably worked very hard to
provide you.
Exhibit D:
I don’t know Trevor, maybe because Bill Murray is 65 and he
can’t run for 20 metres without needing a break? Some action movie that would be.
But seriously, I bet that most of the original cast are in a great shape, and
hell, I hope they live until the tender age of 200 (Especially Sigourney
Weaver), but you need to play age appropriate roles. Think Madonna and the
‘Hard Candy’ album. Is that what you want?
Exhibit E:
Watch “Spy” or anything with Melissa McCarthy. Watch Jenna
Marbles on YouTube. Watch Tina Fey and Amy Poehler deliver the opening
monologues to the Golden Globes. Even watch Amy Schumer in whatever she starred
in. Then you can come back to me and say... Actually no, you can’t. But I
suppose the joke is on you- if you ever find a woman willing to share her life
with you, you chauvinistic piece of shit, your life will be devoid of laughter.
How would it not be if women are not funny.
Exhibit F(ucking hell this is going on forever):
...I don’t even know where to start. You went out of your way to dislike a video? That looks like a lot of effort for someone who definitely won’t go to see this film. You might want to rethink your life...
Exhibit G:
No rant available, this one just made me laugh.